Mentoring

//**

Listen for. . .**//

• Assumptions • Beliefs • Feelings • Needs • Perceptions • Perspectives • Values

//**Ask questions to. . . (Note: Why? often evokes defensiveness)**//

1) Clarify terms, reasoning 2) Develop or maintain a focus 3) Gather more information 4) Mediate thinking 5) Seek connections

//**Probing Questions**//

And then what did you do? And then what did you say? Assuming that this is accurate. . .? Considering these. . .? For you, at this point. . .? Given this pattern of behavior. . .? How did you decide. . .? How did you feel about that? How did that make you feel? How is. . . like/different from. . . ? How might. . .? In what ways. . .? What are some. . .? What criteria do you use to. . .? "What could you do to bring out the best in them?" What did you think when it happened? What do you plan to do next? What do you think might work? What do you think would work next time? What does that mean? "What have you tried to do so far?" What sort of an impact do you think. . .? "What strengths/interests do they have?" What will you do next? What would you like to do? "Why do you think they misbehaved?" Why do you think. . .?

//**Validate with phrases like. . .**//

I'll bet that's hard. I'll bet that was difficult. I never thought of that. I wonder. . . I'm curious to know more about. . . I'm happy for you. I'm intrigued by. . . "It must be annoying when that happens." It would help me understand if you'd give me an example of. . . . Let me see if I understand. . . . Oh. Oh, my goodness. Oh no! I know how much that meant to you. So, in other words. . . . Tell me more. Tell me what you mean when you say. . . . That's a tough spot to be in. That's interesting. That's painful. What an awkward situation to be in. What I'm hearing is. . . . Wow. You must have been very pleased.

Ideas compiled from STARTALK 2009 participants and Lundberg, Gary, & Joy Lundberg. (2000). I don't have to make everything all better!: Six practical principles that empower others to solve their own problems while enriching your relationships. NY: Penguin Books. ISBN 0-14-028643-8. http://www.penguinputnam.com


 * More Validation Ideas**

How to frame the question strategically? Understand the “true” question Take a second to reflect before answering Teacher reflects on her internship training… - How she was mentored - Encouragement - Why don’t we try this…. - Lets try something else Respect the person (Respect the feeling)

//**Three Stances**//

Coaching (you), collaborating (we), consulting (me)